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My mother died at 47, when I was 24. Now I’m 51, living years she never had—from piano lessons and school rankings to leaving college and choosing my own path. Looking back at old photos, I can still see the clothes she sewed for me, including the polka-dot outfit I still remember today.
0:00 My Mother Died at 47
2:52 The Childhood She Planned for Me
6:11 Grades, Fear, and My Mother’s Expectations
11:26 The Mother Who Cooked and Sewed for Me
14:28 When Keeping Up Appearances Came First
17:15 Why I Left College and Chose English
24:51 I Wanted Freedom, but I Still Needed Her
27:51 Living Past the Age My Mother Died
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Hi Maya,
my mother suffered from depression and taugt me a negative pov of everything and absolutely no self esteem. My first thought always is "what will go wrong? and "what will people think" when I do something even the tiniest bit.
Maya. My mother was like your mother except mine didn't cook well.and never sewed. I was afraid of my mother too.She was very moody. She said I'd never amount to anything. I did what she wanted.I went to college and moved away for thirty years. I love my mother. I never had children, and I'm now widow. My mother had alzheimer's in the end and died of cancer. I miss Her.
Hi dear Maya! I know that for many the mother/daughter relationship can be full of ups and I’m so sorry that you were often fearful of your mother because she was so strict. Your father’s alcoholism must also have been extremely hard for both you and your mother to deal with. Thank you for sharing this story with all of us as it has opened up a thoughtful discussion amongst your viewers on the impact our mother’s behaviours have on us! One thing is for sure – you are wonderful, intelligent woman with many admirable qualities and all of us are cheering you on! 👍❤️😍
I think mothers often try to redo their lives vicariously through their daughters. They try to straighten the paths in our lives that went crooked in theirs.
Maya, that looks delicious. Also, i kept seeing the group of children featured on this Toutube but i didnt realize it was your Youtube.
That cooked sashimi lookes beutiful. I miss it.
I went to private school too, to help with a reading handycap. Your mom and dad did a good job with you i think. You keep up your work and that is a huge job.
Sounds like your mother was really overwhelmed and depressed. Especially if her husband was an alcoholic, so a lot of the burdens of running a house and parenting must have fallen on her. There is so much pressure on women to be the perfect wife and mother; being a wife and a mother are such thankless jobs. Of course, it doesn't justify her anger but it does explain how she ended up like that. Sounds like she was a product of her time, where traditional gender roles were strict and mental health awareness and support was lacking.
You say "I don't know why grades mattered so much". Because good grades and a good education paves the way to your future success. She wanted you to get good grades so you could get into a good school and pursue a good career that allows you to live comfortably. I think that's pretty normal for most parents to want for their children. If she truly didn't care about you or love you, she wouldn't have pushed so hard for you to succeed in life. The problem is that she became so attached to one idea and didn't take your feelings or opinions into consideration. I'm sorry to hear your mother passed away from cancer. That sounds like such a painful and scary way to die.
It was so touching that you shared this with us all about your relationship with your mother Maya. I know as a parent, parenting isn't always easy. Those of us with children no doubt tried to do our best, sometimes we probably did better than other times. I was a very young mother, and I often thought as I got older that I would do things differently now…but all of our experiences in life, our actions, our words are just part of our journey. I may only do better now, because of what life and those experiences taught me.
Many blessings to you ~ Linda p.s. I thought little Maya in her polka dot dress looked so sweet playing the piano ❤!! 🙂
Thankyou Maya for sharing such a personal story of your mother. She sounded like she wanted the best for you, however we all pave our own lives later in life. Perhaps your mother was driven from experiences she had missed in her own life 🥴. Like you, I was afraid of my father who is an alcoholic. Alcohol in excess changes a person’s mood therefore affecting those around them. My father was also very controlling and overbearing at times. I think I was a disappointment to my father given that I didn’t go to university like my siblings. I was always compared unfavourably because of that. However in my defence as a child I was the elder sibling taking care of the younger two. My parents worked overtime and often I had to be the grownup at home so I fell behind in studies because there was no one at home to monitor that. So my grades were poor. Once you miss one milestone it becomes even more difficult going forward.
The only time I was able to be myself was when I got married, but by then I found myself not knowing how to make decisions because they were always made for me. I am grateful that I married a man the total opposite of my father. My husband let me be myself. It was a challenge but also liberating that finally I could embrace me for me. Now I’m proud of our daughter who is in university, and there were many things I changed to make her life different to my earlier life. I’m also 6 years older than you Maya, and as the years go by the body is not as energetic as the earlier years. That has been the most challenging, dealing with age and what comes with it.🥴. I thought I would share with you . ❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹
Moms and daughters relationships are so complex. My mom an I loved each other very much and yet our relationship was tough.
I was a disappointing mother to my first three children. I was trying to do the right things but had no idea how to parent. I'm thankful every day that I have had the gift of living long enough to grow and learn and to ask forgiveness of my children. They have had the opportunity to see me work to change. At 63 I can say my children know I adore them and we have strong relationships.
Thank you for sharing your life
I understand those feelings very much
I also want to talk to my mother but still to scared to dear criticise her
I am 49 years old
Thank you for sharing your life story. Your Mother wanted the best for you the only way she knew how. You have a good life with the choices YOU made 💞
Maya, your video touched me deeply. I want to share a memory with you. Several years ago, I lost my dear friend, only 69 years old, to a massive stroke. Talking to her 30-year-old daughter (only child) soon after, she said something that I thought was very profound for a young person. She said, “We were not done yet.” I think that fits you and your mother perfectly. If she had lived, you would have matured and she would have aged. And as time passed, you would have, at the least, been better able to cope, to understand, to forgive her and yourself. I believe that everybody deals with the thought, “If only I had ….” I know that I do.
This resonates with me, because both my parents treated me as a burden. It was as if they didn't want children. Then a younger brother came along and he was showered with love and attention.
Iam from India. I love your blog
更了解馬雅了，真想抱抱妳~拍拍妳~祝福妳未來的每一天都平靜開心，無論生命帶給妳什麼！
Tight hugs for you dear Maya❤
I hope that now you will find time to explore your education and take some English language classes!
Hi Maya. I watched this vlog and realised I needed to watch it again or more to the point, read your words again. So I watched it a few times. There were elements of this vlog that resonated with me. The subject matter may be different but the theme is similar to my own life experiences. Reconciling your thoughts of the past with your present is not black and white and can conjure up old emotions once buried
We love our parents on a higher level for bringing us into the world and raising us with the essentials such as self respect, social awareness and understanding but on the day to day level things are not so straightforward. It is unfortunate that you didn't get the chance to talk to your mother about the past.
Your mother sounds like a larger than life personality who carried a presence. I myself am a parent and as most parents do I have tried to raise my son with the values required to travel the life. These values are not based solely on what I think are the right lessons but also on (seen through a child's eyes) were the shortcomings of my parents. I have encouraged rather than instructed. As far as discipline goes I've always tried talking things through rather than shouting and punishment. I'm not a perfect parent and I don't think such a person exists. It seems from what you say in the vlog your mother was trying (maybe too hard) to equip you with the life tools for opportunities she wanted but never had.
Look at you now though. You are living a life you chose with independence and with a structure that you are comfortable with. You know what you want for yourself and work toward your own goals. I would say, in some ways the person you are is someone your mother would be proud of mixed with the person you want to be and that's a good thing as it shows you have moved on and learned to live with the loss of family.
Sorry if this seems like I'm going on a bit but this is what I see and hear. Keep on keeping on my friend x
Liebe Maya,
Danke für dein Video.
Ich habe auch eine sehr dominate Mutter. Hatte immer Respekt vor ihr, Gott sei Dank nie Angst. Sie konnte auch sehr liebevoll sein. Ich hoffe, das konnte deine Mutter auch?
Meine Mutter hat aber auch immer gesagt und bestimmt was ich tun sollte. Ich musste auch viele Sachen machen, die ich nicht wirklich wollte. Habe mich nie getraut mich zu wehren.
Sie konnte übrigens auch sehr gut kochen. Ja, es gibt so einige Parallelen.
Da deine Mutter so früh gestorben ist kann man ja leider keine Gespräche mehr führen, das wird nämlich einfacher wenn man älter ist.
Aber es ist wie es ist. Ich wünsche dir sehr, dass du deine Angst ihr gegenüber ganz ablegen kannst.
Du bist ein toller Mensch, deine Videos sind sehr schön. Mach weiter so. Ich bete für dich.🙏🙏
Liebe Grüße aus Deutschland von Anette
37:03 … I would like to share this: .. do not complain of being far from the world that will preserve you from so much corruption and God is not far from you but closer. in solitude you can hear God's voice whereas you will not hear it among men. Look at the sheep. They are meek, obedient , satisfied with little and grateful for what it has, it loves all those who take care of it and loves it. do likewise, keep wolves away from your heart, wicked men are wolves. – notebooks by Maria Valtorta
35:22 😊.. i believe your mother is happy seeing that God led you to whatever you are right now.. whatever life you have… you are exactly where God wants you to be.. away from much corruption of the world..😊
After doing the math, it seems that your mother was 23 yo when giving birth to you, and how was the interactions with your father or was there any? That's enormous what you experienced. At the age of 12 yo, my mother taught me about why eating salad 🥗 was healthy, since then I love eating vegetables, and my father introduced me to Korean Kimchi while bbq chicken and steak.
Hi, I'm 2 years ahead, I live in America, Northern California, and you're exactly right about, in our early 50's, it's always working to secure the small future we have in living out the rest of our life.
Thank you for sharing ❤🙏
Education was important to my mom. I was oldest of 10 so I had it toughest. I was a kid who did well with a set of rules. As we kids aged my mom went back to school and she and she and I graduated as from college same year. My dad loved kids so I was close to him. He died when I was 50 a nd my mom when I was 63.
Oh, Maya.. I am so sorry the memories of your mom are so heavy on your heart. Seeing your story, I have to wonder if she herself was quite unhappy and perhaps took that out on you, trying to mold you into what she was never able to be..? Maybe she was jealous of you in a way. Obviously, I'm speaking from my very limited perspective, and yet these are ideas that have been suggested to me about my somewhat similar relationship with my mom who was nowhere near as strict as yours. All that to say, I have to remind myself often that the way people treat us is honestly about them and really isn't about us. You were a child and of course you depended on her. Look at you now, being an inspiration and a bright light of a friend to all of us out here in World Wide Web world! : ) Oh, and I found a dress today at World Market that I love, and I told my husband, "It reminds me of something Maya would wear!" ; ) Big hugs from NC!!
Maya, I am most impressed by all so many ingredients you have in the kitchen ,stocked with a bicycle!
Poignant ending.
What happens when someone makes a comment that you do not like . Just a thought prayers for you Maya.
Maya thank you for sharing your mom and your love for her. I am happy you have a nice home that family help provide you with,and love how tidy and neat you keep your home.
Those mother-daughter relationships are very tricky and often lifelong. So sorry for you, but you made it spectacularly! Had a very rough time with my mother from my teenage years on. So understand somewhat. 😊
That was beautiful.
Maya, I am in my mid seventies and have 3 children. I can’t answer the questions you have, but I do know a parent can’t live their child’s life. I am certain I did many things wrong, but I do know I am happy my children are all living their own lives that they chose. If you are happy with your life as it is, that is all that matters.
Hi Maya, I , much like you, lost my mom for cancer when she was 42 and I was 24 by then. Now I am 60. I can realize now how short was my mom's life. But, there is nothing we can do. Just accept how Gods' plan unfold. I enjoy watching your videos and I have been taking some lessons from your videos. Carry on. Take care.
Thank you for sharing the story of a difficult relation with your mother, dear Maya… At 51 you are doing great, please be sure about it <3
Hello Maya. Just wanted to thank you for your honesty and the truly touching story of you growing up, and then finding your way as an young adult. I am very lucky I find, in growing up in a loving and caring home where both parents loved me and my brother. Maybe one tend to take this for granted, but it is truly a blessing. Now I'm all grown up and has children and grandchildren, but I still think that the bit with beeing an adult and somehow suposedly have all the answers, is difficult. Thankfully, learning is a prosess that is everlasting. Hugs from Monica in Norway 🙂
Thank you for the beautiful tribute to your Mother. We sometimes forget how young our parents were when we were young and that they only had once chance to get parenting right. I too had a similar troubled relationship with my parents but I still loved them dearly despite their flaws and the real heart pain they caused. Like you, I have never looked towards my childhood experiences as a reason for any perceived shortcomings in my adult life. I am simply grateful I had two parents who passed on qualities I can admire and try to emulate and who at the same time had serious flaws that I can learn from. I found your video very moving – thank you. I am sure your Mother is very proud of your positive influence on others who you have never even met.
Thank you Maya, you and your videos have become part of mental health care. They are calming and I get to see rural Japan….Beautiful by the way!!!!. Hoping to see Japan in 2029. My husband is retired but I still.work – we are in our early 60s.
Thank you for showing us your life…its pretty amazing!