Your feedback helps me improve. Please share your thoughts via comment or email: all4yoojin@gmail.com
I’m 35, I’ve been single for most of my adult life, and I spent a week alone in Paris figuring out why. This is a video about being single in your 30s, the wall I built after one bad heartbreak, and what it’s like to grow up between Korea (where love has a deadline) and the US (where love is treated like self-improvement). Six years of matchmakers, dating, and one thing I had completely backwards. Filmed alone in Paris, summer 2026.
This is the follow-up to my last video on my 20s. I mentioned there was one thing on the list I wasn’t ready to talk about. This is that one.
#SingleInMy30s #DatingAfter30 #korean
Chapters
0:00 The Art of Being Single
0:41 Paris and the City Built for Two
2:18 The Cultural Deadlines of Love
5:10 The Rules I Never Wrote Down
9:20 Is Love a Skill?
Hopefully, Maybe by Rebecca Mardal
Cherry Blossom by Resonant Circuits
Introspective by Gabriel Lewis
Someday in Hanoi by Sulu
I Lean on you by Wildflowers
We will still believe by JOYSPRING
NEFFEX – This Is Our Calling [Copyright Free] No.215
Video Edited by : Himanshu Kapoor
A lot of times it's not you or anyone, it's just luck. Web search "the role of luck in success" … I was lucky that I didn't have to think much about myself, and my marriage just fell into my lap. Now I just have to maintain it- That part's work…
I turned 41 not too long ago and have been single for a long time at this point. My past relationships have gone so poorly that at this point I am just done trying. I don't have the time or energy to put up with another person.
What is this even? Wasting money on expensive vacations complaining about being single? You can find a nice guy next week if you wanted to. You don't though. You're absolutely ridiculous living in this vacation influencer bubble. Just talk to normal people for a change and thinking about what you can do for them.
I took a long time to come to terms with the fact that I hid a lot of myself because I saw the "unfiltered" version as the one that was difficult to accept. But if you think about it – if someone isn't interested in the version of you that you're most comfortable with, why try to convince them overwise? You wouldn't do that to someone else. Still takes a lot of practice and consciously allowing myself to be true to what I am without hiding it but I spent some time and built this app called undine (search on google for undine app if youre interested). Being able to look back to why i did the things I did is slowly allowing myself to grow out of my insecurities
You're 35 and you've given up the opportunity to have a partner who knew you and 20 and saw you evolve until now, and appreciated it and developed with you through the mess. Ok so do you want to be 40 and have the same thing be true? Do you want to be 55 and look back at your life and see you were too chicken to actually connect with someone? Who exactly is looking at that resume? Whose approval are you seeking?
maybeee you stoooopid woman?
I don't know if this will help but here goes –
Girl, you are everything a man – deep, deep down in his guts – does NOT want.
(1) your education level isn't somethin' to find fault with but your intelligence is perceived as argumentative, self-opinionated and even arrogant. Try to tone down your opinions because the line separating opinion and self-righteousness can be pretty thin under some subjects or situations. Better still, brightly change the subject and offer to share a funny story,
(2) where's your humour ? Throughout this video, I did not detect a single relaxed smile. We must learn to laughed at our short-comings and believe me, everyone has lots. If you think you have none, then you might well be someone who hasn't learn the art of humility.
(3) drop that high-class taste-for-life. It's off-putting. Would you be happy to date a hog-dog food vendor ?
Ok, I'm pretty sure you're pissed off as hell. So I won't go further. But I'll part with this – life can be pretty unpredictable, fate is even more unpredictable.
All's fair in love and war – that means luck sure plays a big part in outcomes. A lot of middle-class University-educated ladies expect a fair shake of getting their expectations met. A lot of guys ( whom these ladies thought they had landed a good catch ) secretly tune-out after a couple of years after realising they have been married to a wife with false-airs ( nah, everything's fine with us ). And if you are conditioned by whatever the shit / values / reactions they ( girlfriends, mother, society ) taught you – when your husband's eyes happened to stray towards a short skirt swishing by, he's gonna think, "why is she so insecured over every sexy butt that walks by " ( guys liked variety I can almost assure you ).
Don't ever expect fate must be kind to anyone, for every winner, there's a loser somewhere. And there are lots of married women who are losers – you just wouldn't know because like everybody, they hid it well.
On personal level this looks like self improvement. But on the nation scale if too many women end doing this it's a disaster because of the population collapse and local population gets replaced with migrants.
저는 썸네일에 나오는 남자라고 생각했습니다. 😂😂😂
🤮🤮🤮
You’re overcomplicating it.
I am not enough
Do you think that social media somehow affects the way you look at yourself? Like, you see all these stories of people being happy and enjoying life with their partners, and then get self-conscious and so on.
Got through about 2 minutes. Being a wife and a mother is a calling. You obviously don’t “hear the call”. No worries.
Youre single because you called them applications.
marriage and LTR is made up of what you do and how you act when you aren't head over heels, not when you are
meeting the right person is about both NEEDING and WANTING that person, cannot be one or the other.
Wanting; for your attraction
Needing; for your emotional support
When both are balanced, its the perfect compatibility.
Having more wanting for the person equals to the saying 'opposites do attract' because wanting someone who has a different mindset to you that likes you back, can also work in a relationship.
Having more needing for the person equals to the saying 'great minds think alike' because needing someone who shares the same values as you, can make a relationship last forever.
Committing to a relationship gives both parties the responsibilities to adjusts these two aspects. And that's why different relationships exists, and works.
Hello Youjin. I'm 34 and still single, just like you. Never had a relationship, never loved anyone in my life. I had all these hurricanes, heartbreaks, ups and downs, just like you. But recently I realised that marriage is not for everyone. You dont have to have a husband and a child to be happy and have a meaningful life. People, especially women in the past, would choose and settle down for very poor-quality men because they were asked for their hands and had limited choice. They would choose the first man who came into their life. I feel like this is a worldwide pandemic: women get into business life, have higher education, improve themselves, and as a result, have right to choose a quality man. We are the first generation that can stay single until 30s and yet can provide themselves. Unfortunately, while women improve themselves like crazy, men fall short. The number of quality men who are emotionally, physically, and mentally grown and available is limited. Remember all the women in the last 2000 years who were used as prostitutes, enslaved, used as maids, sold, married but abused by their husbands physically or mentally and yet had to stay in marriage for economic purposes. Life has never been a happily ever after Cinderella story for hundreds of thousands of women on earth for many centuries. I also think we should feel lucky that we have a choice and have healthy lives. That is the most important thing. Another thing that I can recommend to you is finding a purpose for your life. If love comes, accept it. If not, dedicate yourselves to a life purpose, something that you feel passionate about. People cannot live without a life purpose. When you marry someone, we automatically choose building up a family as a life purpose. So, your life is basically being pre-designed by society's norms. It's really funny, but I had many moments in my life when I could not answer the question, " What is next?" When you stay single, you feel like you are floating in the sky, like there isn't a destination or a place that you can land on. Do not waste your time trying to find a man, even if you are late, even if your age is not appropriate for marriage, even if you crave love but cannot find it. Life is too short to wait for love. Love will find you when you are already busy enough with your life, trying to achieve, if you are destined to find one. If not, you will live your life just like anyone. I hope everything goes as your heart wishes. Lots of love from Turkey.🥰🥰🥰
Love requires courage and bravery. You do need to dare to love …and yes, it does come with a built-in risk of getting hurt in turn. …which is the reason why you have to dare to do it in the first place. Imho many people are so afraid of the chance of getting hurt, that they never get to live in the first place. The sort of bland life without highs and lows does have its comfort – sure – but is it really full life? …it is ofcourse for the the individual to judge what they want in life.
I will be 38 and I feel this. I exited a 10 year relationship and I built the same wall brick-by-brick.
Leftover woman. Thats what.
You wanna know why? Truly?
just another typical situation of a high-career woman in 2020s
-Once going up highly competitive society of career, male being you encounter is no longer a potential love interest, but a competitor.
-Yet that group of male competitors form the super narrow pool of candidates to suffice your hypergamy instinct…
-Rampant feminist sermons that forces woman's biological instinct to bear a child in fear of evil patriach… (there are evil men, ofc, just not all)
-Yet the hormonal ghosts apply pressure that the menopause approaches…
not much to wonder about. it's really simple.
The only scary part is that when menopause does happen or is about to happen, there are so many cases of female individual that somehow regret not bearing a child.
So, you can only keep building strong dogma based off tight self-observation that justifies your long led lifestyle and life philosophy
so that you dont enter another phase of unhinged constant self-doubt and mental instability.
But, if it happens, it happens.
and you learn another thing about yourself at different phase, and may figure out how to enjoy that rumble and tumble as well..
Irony is, that not many men are super into career either personally.
They are into building it simply because… they want to raise their own family.
So.. for many people… career simply isnt sustenable process because often ladies realize that why the heck am i doing this anyways..?
just because I was raised being told women are equal as men? yeah.. but having same right doesnt mean you are obliged to become workholic as well.
So, in many cases it appears that ladies grind themselves into career to conform with the modern social norm, and get burnt out.
And those that were naturally born to be workholic… kinda could be said to be "masculine" and that contrasts the inclination to want to bear a child..
Hence your lack of aspiration to be a couple with someone.
Well.. wish you best happiness and luck, lass!
Rejection is the process of finding your person. It is not a failure to be rejected or to reject someone else, it's a screening process. And yeah, it hurts, it really does, but the alternative is spending the rest of your life with someone you aren't really compatible with. And I can tell you that hurts so much more than being single.
hi yoojin, as a girl in her twenties who has never been in a relationship before, your words are really valuable to me, and a reminder to keep my head up no matter what. thank you for sharing!
I don't know what your problem is, but when I think about being single I often come to the conclusion that I am fine with living alone. I'm so content that it affects my personality. I don't dance. I don't sing. I don't flirt with people. I don't get involved. I only speak when spoken to. In recent years I started to get angry and disappointed at myself for letting this behavior continue. Eventually I decided to get therapy. I've come a long ways but I have a long ways to go.
Damn she is coping hard af here 😂
I once dated someone who told me she was completely content being single. Then shortly after, I ran into her at another speed-dating event. There’s something ironic about that. I think there’s a difference between being capable of being alone and actually wanting to stay alone. I can travel, hike, and enjoy life by myself, but I still want someone beside me to share it with. Sometimes we glorify independence so much that we forget letting imperfect people into our lives. Wanting love, partnership, and family is completely human.
❤
Expectation, Compromise, and Reality… 3 super gross pills to swallow. Fortune favours the brave, so less thinking more shooting your shots. Pain is inevitable, heart break is around every corner, so are you going to stay still or you going to move.
Waiit? What do you mean Linked In? You got dates… On LinkedIn???
most relationships dont last anyways. a lot stay in it for family dynamics and saving face. even in north east china the divroce rates are at all time high. people these days just hookup and casual stream
didnt want to go to paris and europe due to gypyies doing pick pocket. its big problem there.
i really like the ending soundtrack! very nice touch.
stop cajoling her into thinking it is ok, it is not ok
women have time constrain which men do not have
women are women and men are en, two biologically different beings
how life – means reality, and society exert constrain on each other is different
she can only make effort at this point, because men can marry ten year younger women easily, but women cannot do it
because women judged based on age, men judged on competence- entierly different plane of comparison
Im single too, my last relationship was 6 years ago, since then I have not put in any effort into dating because I no longer have interest in marriage or kids
I love me some jap girls
Because ur Chinese pussy is shy and tight
your standards were too high and delusional, and now you are suffering the consequences
U r single because every time a boy came to you got rejected because you wanted something better, and that's why u arrived at 35 and u r single 🙂
I'm American, 35 m, and live in Korea the past 6 years. I've learned that our generation dismisses others way too easily. We're fragile and put up barriers to protect ourselves. Korean women have gone silent on me out of fear. They pull away because they stereotype me into every other American male stereotype even though I'm extremely rare and better than they've even imagined. They've shot themselves in the foot, and the negative experiences I've had where it felt like I was the one left picking up the pieces has made be lose hope that a woman of faith who doesn't dismiss me out of fear will ever happen. I've lost hope and I don't see God answering my prayers either.
I can make you mine wife
independent women dont get married
I just admire the fact even being alone it seems like you are enjoying and living for yourself ✨ and the way you carry yourself is just✨🫶
Rich and attractive men will date younger women. Looks, personality, and money/status, you can only pick two. Which will you compromise?
Don't give your heart, until it's safe.
Hide your feelings, because being vulnerable is a weakness. 😓
It's finally reversing now, but there was way, WAY too much messaging for women in america to not "settle" with the girlboss / metoo movement. it's one thing to settle for someone who takes advantage of you, but another thing to never settle without considering that your standards is unrealistic to achieve when you yourself have flaws too. too many women are unaware of their own flaws, they aren't perfect like the men they judge and they are finally starting to realize that.
When I was 29, I got hospitalized by my ex and then ghosted. I was immunocompromised by cancer, and she did not respect the boundaries of what that meant. It's hard to even remember when my life wasn't a struggle; it feels like a curse of bad luck sprinkled with endless misfortune. 7 years later, I am still single… and it may just have to remain this way. Not all of us will be fortunate enough to find love.
Thanks for sharing. Beautiful and relatable story. I live in Maine, where there aren't many romantic options – and I pray that I'll run into someone, someday – but I've learned by God's grace to appreciate life as it is, and to trust Him. Truthfully, I don't really know if it's better for me to be with someone or not, though I'm sure it would be nice.
All times are a precious gift, in fear looking at a phone screen or in Paris learning to open up. Hope you have fun
Your standards are probably too high.