What do women actually bring to the table?
It’s a question women hear constantly in dating and relationship conversations — but what if the question itself is the problem?
In this video, Lisa Sonni breaks down what men often mean when they ask, “What do you bring to the table?” and why some men want women to bring everything while requiring almost nothing from them in return.
The issue isn’t that women have nothing to offer. The issue is that some men benefit enormously from women’s emotional labor, domestic labor, mental load, caregiving, loyalty, support, and relationship work while refusing to recognize those things as valuable contributions.
We talk about why “I just want peace” can sometimes mean silence, convenience, and a relationship where a woman doesn’t hold a man accountable. Real peace in a healthy relationship requires safety, repair, responsibility, mutual care, and reciprocity.
This video also explores:
• Why women don’t need to audition for men or prove their worth
• What men actually mean when they ask, “What do you bring to the table?”
• The invisible labor and mental load women often carry
• Why some men treat domestic labor as something women are simply supposed to do
• Why “natural” is sometimes used to devalue women’s work
• The difference between peace and simply being quiet or compliant
• Why healthy relationships require reciprocity and shared responsibility
• Why some men benefit from women without wanting to acknowledge their dependence on them
• Why women should stop trying to become “valuable enough” to be treated well
• How abusive and entitled men can use devaluation to lower a woman’s standards
• Why raising your standards may mean ending up with a better man — or no man at all
Women do not need to present a portfolio of everything they can cook, clean, provide, tolerate, forgive, or sacrifice before they deserve kindness and commitment.
A healthy relationship is built on mutual care, shared responsibility, honesty, growth, and reciprocity — not one person constantly proving that they deserve a seat at the table.
And if a man thinks your standards are too high, he may simply not be the man who meets them.
Subscribe for more videos that expose abuse tactics and answer the questions you’ve always wondered about toxic and abusive relationships.
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About Lisa Sonni
Abusive relationship educator and trauma bond recovery expert. Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, creator of the Break & Rebuild Method, and author of four abuse-recovery books. Host of Relationships Uncensored Podcast.
#NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery
#TraumaBonding #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #HealingFromTrauma #ToxicRelationships
⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not therapy or medical advice. Always seek professional help for your specific situation.
00:00 The “What Do Women Bring to the Table?” Question
00:45 What Do You Actually Want Her to Bring?
01:43 Women Don’t Need to Audition for Men
02:31 Why You Shouldn’t Answer This Question
03:00 “Convince Me You’re Worth Choosing”
04:44 The Real Scam: Bring Everything, Require Nothing
05:56 Men Know Exactly What Women Bring
07:01 The Invisible Work Men Benefit From
08:15 Why Some Men Refuse to Value Women’s Labor
09:43 The Mental Load Is Real
11:05 Who’s Actually Running the Household?
12:02 What Reciprocity in a Healthy Relationship Looks Like
13:06 “I Just Want Peace” — What Does That Really Mean?
14:13 What Real Peace in a Relationship Requires
15:08 They Want Everything From Her — And Nothing From Him
16:40 Why Men Don’t Want to Admit They Depend on Women
17:41 The “You’ll Die Alone” Tactic
18:13 Why Acknowledging Her Value Requires Reciprocity
19:33 “Natural” Is Used to Devalue Women’s Labor
20:13 Don’t Prove Your Value to Him
20:57 He Notices Her Value When She Takes It Away
21:42 Why Some Men Don’t Know How to Repair Relationships
22:22 Abusive Men Need the Bar Low
22:59 Women Don’t Have to Prove They’re Worth Loving
23:28 Decode What He Really Means
23:43 Raise the Bar — Even If It Means Staying Single
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I respectfully disagree that your content is not for men. I believe some men would greatly benefit from this content
Depends on whether the table is worth bringing anything to 🤷🏻♀️ If they're wondering this then it means they haven't had any women visiting their rickety table 😂 Plus we make our own tables now so they're competing with that 😜
I can only speak for myself (32yo single guy from Germany) that i just want to settle in a non toxic, safe enviroment where you can be yourself, vulnerable and emotional without facing backlash.
Its not about who brings what to the table its about building a real connection. And i honestly believe if you find a person as described wealth, money and success becomes way more achievable because you can push each other to higher standards ❤️🩹
Awesome 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💎💎💎
Maybe not all men are abusive, but there is a very significant number that are. Women should not assume any of them are safe, put the responsibility on them to prove otherwise.
Exactly this. Safe, good fathers matter. Keywords are safe and good. 💯
"I'm going to end up with a man nothing like you." LOVE that!! ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
They want their needs satisfied, period. No insight either
The men want it all right now for nothing. Not worth my time or effort
If a man asks that he’s a zero
I'll cook and clean! Gladly. I charge $100 per hour plus benefits.
Anytime I hear about a man's negative opinion on anything, I instantly mentally shut it down. I think "I don't care what this male thinks" or "what this male thinks is not important" and move on to something else. It has saved me so much grief and I suggest all women try this exercise
All I've ever wanted was a woman who wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her. The way I figure it, the other stuff is negotiable.
Yes
its asked of men all the time? WTF!
Funny thing about men who take on role of housekeeping stay-at home and other tasks, that women "traditionally" do, while woman works: they universally seem happier, call it in general rather easy, and also women for some reason often dislike the arrangement 🤣😂. Also, ladies, a little secret: men in relationship would prefer you didn't do what you call "emotional labor". Seriously. Usually, it's worthess at best, source of frustration at usual.
This video so fing amazing. On our second date said for me to expect a low bar. I no idea what he meant since I was coming out of 24 yr narc abusive marriage. Now fast forward 2.5 yrs later, I broke up with his his lazy abusive ass after continually auditioning for love and commitment so I hope he enjoys jumping over that low bar in hell where he deserves to live!!! Thank you Lisa for what you do!!!
Exactly seems like these men really hate women and being unspecific causes confusion and hoping some women never ask…. Be specific!!! My ex purposely never was direct. Always making statements that I’m supposed to read between the lines.
Amen sister!!
I stay alone since 4 years. No dates. They expect everything for nothing. They want it all and more for NOTHING but stress. They behave in a highly toxic way these days and I don't support that.🤷♀️
I feel so strange watching these videos because in my household it's my husband who does most of these things. He does the grocery shopping, cook the dinners, and fill up the social calendar. All three parents share the responsibility of raising our kids. My husband has far better patience than me. I have never watched a full pappa pig episode ever, and I have 5 kids. But I did teach my daughter to embroider … 🫠
One of the arguments men make is that doing housework is not big deal because if you lived alone you'd still have to do housework. But if men lived alone they'd still have to go out and work and pay bills.
The food ferry came…OMG there's food😂😂😂 this took me out!
It is so for real though. The mental load is real
Actual human males don’t want anything from a woman they created a Brain Virus called 3D-SHOT Optogenics to pretend billions of dead dudes were alive ur all fucked
The person who has the most resources and money, and the least amount of debt has all the power.
That will probably never change.
My standard answer is "a plate."
Thank you so much for saying this. He asked me that very thing and I screamed and started sobbing and he was all confused, and asked me why and I just did not answer at all because the very act of asking that told me he didn't value my entire being, my life revolved around him and making his life easier and if he couldn't see and appreciate that then saying it wouldn't suddenly make him realise that he appreciates having his tea brought to him and his bag unpacked after work and his jacket hung up and his slippers by his chair and his child quiet and his favourite snacks in the cupboard and his holiday planned and the house cleaned and decorated and his meals the way he likes them and a listening ear and a third hand and family presents bought and wrapped and birthday cards mailed out and flowers in the yard and his child fed, bathed, read to, cleaned up after, taught things, comforted, kept out of trouble, and dressed in cute outfits for all those instagram photos of his beautiful family, and so on and so forth. Oh no, I contribute nothing. Yeah.
Odd. I am a Matriarchist and an Ethicist, so I am disgusted by transactional relationships. Yet, I clearly remember women posting tens of thousands of social media videos where she insists that he is supposed to buy her things, plan things for her, make her happy. When someone asks 'if you insist on a transaction, then what is the other side of that transaction' that is standard for a transaction. Asking that question does NOT imply that no offer is reciprocated; you are making an error in your assumptions, which is only done by people who don't think clearly. Instead, according to ethics: we can only hold others to a standard which we ourselves meet already. So, if as you say 'women don't have to audition,' then by your own rule, men should not have to audition, either. You should tell that to all the women who specifically say that 'I am the prize, and he needs to prove himself to me.' In contrast, I know enough about healthy relationships to avoid transactional relationships: I seek a relation-ship when I hope to relate-to another Human Soul, and I see my own empathy as an opportunity to understand and deepen intimacy. I do not love someone 'in order to get something from them for myself' because that is objectification and de-humanization. I meet the standard of Honesty and Compassion, and those are the same standards I ask of my partner. As far as I can tell, you consistently strawman what the majority of men explain consistently, in favor of the worst men's ridiculous demands; by Ethics, that same standard would be applied in response to you, where the worst women is taken as the paradigm of women in general. Try Matriarchy, instead? Either way, once virtuous people are volunteering for brain scans, to prove we are honest when we explain our wise choices and compassion, then we will only date people who meet the same standards we already do. At that point, you will be proven as what you really are, and you won't have a job because virtuous people will find ourselves without the help of bad dating coaches. Love the way you want to be loved. You only deserve the kind of love you gave.
The "what do you bring to the table" thing always leaves out the invisible part, like being the only one who knows where anything in the house actually is. Does that ever get counted as bringing something?
The whole reason America is in its current awful political situation, is because too many entitled people refused to participate in bettering themselves, and instead pettily tried to ruin the lives of anyone who expected better from them. Maga is a political ideology of abusers whose entitlement has been challenged.
I just found you and its the most disheartening videos I have watched. I just type out my story here; even if its a bit silly, but to prove all of your points. I am a 33 yrs old gay male; who had a best male friend since first grade in elementary school. He got a girlfriend, when he turned 17; and we befriended each other too; and got each others best friends. I have watched their story from the get-go, the ups and downs, the moves, even them getting two gorgeous kids and be being granted the gift of being a godfather to those two children. I always found their relationship a bit strange and unbalanced, chore-wise, but I found myself living the same loop-hole that you explain – I was complicit in bystanding the abuse, because I did not know that the framework I was looking at, was abuse. I have never been modeled healthy relationships either; so I didnt question their often fighting about little things, I didnt question his inconsistencies; to the point that it seemed like it was abuse. It all shifted heavily when the first child was three years and; and she was suddenly the provider for the family; and she did literally EVERYTHING. While he did not contribute financially, he did not contribute to childcare nor to household chores in a ratio that would have made sense. That was the time my perception shifted too; I tried to be a mediator, tried to be more around to help with the kids and lift her mood, give her some space to get out the anger and also try to talk to him; that he has to bring something to the table too. Like literally. What I did not know at that time, was, that she had a lot of savings; that she turned to, to keep the finances going. Savings, that her parents arranged for her to use for a mortgage or something big. Not daily demands. Fast forward, the second child was born, after she knew it would not work and she did not even get help while she was pregnant. I turned really sour watching her wither under the constant stress and being unable to come through to her, that he is just not the man for her and also talking to him; that their needs to be shared responsibilities; while I was trying to be as present as I could be. I never saw myself being a part of this – and just last year I learned more about trauma triangles, and some personal life happenstances showed me a different part of him – that he was seeing me not as a friend, but as a ressource that he can use and manipulate. At that time I realized I needed to communicate more clearly to her that this is not a relationship, its abuse. I was very clear to escalate to that. The end of the story is; it was October 2025; I said I needed some space to think about our relationships and how I am able to show up in the future. And I never heard from her, ever again and the only contact I had, was with him, with maximum narcicistic rage and full of DARVO and delusions. Whats shocking to me, is, that I am not a completely stupid person. I had my belly feelings about this, I was clear for a long time, but I have never realized, how deep his entitlement went and how he just saw me as a human ressource to make her recover from the abuse faster. I was just a tool. I dont know when it started, how it started, and I never will. I still think about these poor little children having to grow up in that messed up household. I am just so stunted that I might not hear from her ever again or that he will wear her down, until she has no ressources left to care for him or the kids and that will be the moment, probably, when he will start cheating on her or cast her away like trash. For him, I feel a level of disgust I might have never felt for anyone in my life so far. For her I hope she leaves him and he will faceplant and be the miserable piece of crap that he is. No sympathy for the abuser. And I am still learning not to be that third wheel, trying to fix what is already broken.
So true! Please talk about the man who are so selfish, self centeredal and don't show any mindfulness. They're not paying attention to anything when it comes to the woman they claim to want or love. They can't remember her birthday they can't remember even what they talked about on the phone the day before. They don't ask about how anything is going with her . Because they can't be bothered to remember anything if it's not their own personal issue. While they don't have any problem with that woman being mindful and paying enough attention to remember and ask them about how their meeting went yesterday or if their ankle that they hurt last week is doing better. You know the simple but vital things that show that one actually cares about somebody's well-being and are actually paying attention and listening and retaining things that are discussed. I'm sick of these dudes that everything seems to go in one ear and ride out the other for them. But they still expect and benefit from your care concern and thoughtfulness
I bring two houses, a car, a clean neat house, and I also cook. The question now is "what do YOU bring to my table?". Those broke losers bring NOTHING to a woman´s table, they live in dirty houses, eat junk food, are constantly trying to take advantage of women and they are the ones asking women what they bring to the table. I have been celibate for the past 10y and 90% of my problems were gone.
Sex is for men..relationships are for women..
I was that woman ypu talked abut who always did absolutely everything, plus worked a full time and at least one part time job, while keeping a spotless house. Continuously attempting to prove my worth. None of them believed I was worth anything. I've never had a non abusive relationship, marriages and LTR's were SO bad. In my 50s I'm now staunchly alone, and much better off. I'll never try again it's too painful. I don't believe I have enough years left in me for the therapy to work well enough for me to get over it.
I tend to agree with a quote from the American political cartoonist Jules Feiffer who once said that a lot of boys after they go through puberty don't lose their dislike or disrespect for women. They simply convince themselves that liking sex with women is the same thing as liking women — but not only are those two things not the same, they all too often don't have very much to do with each other. The only thing you can be 100% sure of when it comes to "Tab A Into Slot B" is that the man is willing to have you satisfy him sexually. That's all. It does not mean he loves you — it does not even mean that he likes you. It just means that he wants to get laid and has decided you'll do for now.
You can't even scale down with roommates who are men. Currencies are always at their discretion alone. Credibility is never rewarding, so on.
Men who ask what you bring to the table as a woman, a potential partner who expect a woman to bring them “ peace “ without having to do any of the work required for reciprocity and mutual respect want a woman who brings a magic wand to the table to prang all that benefits him into existence!!
Good luck with that 😂
Everything you said 100%. I also think that they want a women to do the "work of a woman" as they know someone else picking up the adult work of life makes their life easier, they just have to work + come back to a clean home + live the life of a teenager, so they are dependent on a woman to do it + then feel entitled to it. Dependency is a very strong, heavy thing. When someone is dependent on something someone else regularly provides, at first there is gratefulness, after a while they become entitled to it, then resentful of that person as the dependency makes them feel weak. They might not acknowledge that feeling of weakness but its there and they start to dislike the one providing what they need as it reminds them of their weakness + the feelings move into hate. I think this is one of the reasons why a lot of men actually hate their wives after a while.
Especially if their bullshit is a lie
I would actually respect a man who would listen to your channel in an attempt to learn and better themselves in their relationships with women
A good marriage requires that BOTH spouses are readily willing to sacrifice for the other while reluctant to allow their spouse to sacrifice for them.
It's a simple question, why does it offend you so much? Do you have nothing to bring to the table? If you ask the same question to men, they'll simply state what they bring to the table.
Never been asked this.
Also Girl, why are you fighting with man who are entitled, bitter, cheapskates etc? Why would you watse time on discussing matters with them? Those guys won't change. Sometimes it's generational trauma. We are in charge of our attention. I came here out of curiosity, but now I wonder what is the purpose of this content? Maybe it is to vent, which is ok. But please, do not talk to man who are woman haters – that's just crazy.
LISA ❤
STOPPED SAYING MEN ARE ENTITLED THIS SAYS THEY DO ACTUALLY HAVE THE PERMISSION TO DO THESE THINGS 😮
NO SAY MEN "THINK" THEY ARE ENTITLED 😊
THEY ARE MAD BECAUSE WE SHOW THEM THAT THEY NOT 😜❤❤
THEY THINK THEY ARE ENTITLED AND ABOVE REPROACH BUT WE SHOW THEM THEY NOT AND TO DEAL WITH A WOMAN WHO MAKES THEM FEEL ENTITLED 😊
Personally I am so happy that so many people of both genders opt out of dating or flag themselves so we can easily avoid them. I believe that those people should not date and that will make dating for healthy folks much easier. No one, no matter their gender, should answear 'what do you bring to the table?'. Relationships are not transactions, and those that are resembling one are super unhealthy.